The Rile Up

What’s gotten YOU angry this week?

I can’t stand all these so-called “Celebrities” on tv who are famous for fuck all. I can sit on my fat arse and spit at the telly with my ugly family just as good as any of them wankers on Gogglebox. But where’s my national adoration? Where’s that? I’ll tell you where it ain’t: At the bottom of me vodka bottle. But fuck me if I’m not going to keep looking.

Sorry Pixar. But I do not want my child thinking there’s little people living inside his head. What destructive nonsense. It’s just him, and him alone, in his head with God and the Devil.

To that pox faced swine in The Porter House. When I ask for a Jameson I clearly mean Jameson Black Barrel. You’re insinuation that I would mean the bottom shelf shite was insulting. As a result I kicked the shit out of your Dyson Air Dryer and I hope it was relayed back to you that you were culpable.

Harry Potter and that bitch J.K Rowling has a lot of explaining to do. All of a sudden my kid expect to be taught how to read. I’m sorry but didn’t Video kill the Radio Star? And an equivalent to books and netflix?

Have you any idea the lengths I’ve gone to get my hair the way I want it. And then some fucker, God who will remain nameless decided to bucket down a load of rain on me. I looked like a drowned rat and there was no chance I was going to take any selfies that day.

Every time I drive passed the Google building in my taxi I wish I could throw a brick through every one of it’s windows for putting that picture of me doing a naked somersault online. Everyone thinks I’m a loser no matter how many times I comment back. To set the record straight: The photo was taken by a girl that I wanted to impress sexually.

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