The Secret Comedian Speaks

Typical day?
“I’d arrive at a gig an hour early to eat a burger while the MC sets up and belittles the support acts. If the MC is struggling for time I will also help him belittle the support acts.”

“One of the hardest challenges is living inside a Comedian’s Mind where wild and zany ideas fly at you every few weeks.”

After Parties?
“A comedian’s job doesn’t end when you get off the stage. That’s when the most important part begins: Self Promotion. Basically if you shag someone all their friends will know who you are.”

“After reciting your five year old set word for word, night after night, the glamour fades. But that’s the job and I’m happy to take the money.”

“For posters you can trim the URL and post reviews from big websites even if it’s just a reference in the comment section.”

“I detest anyone that tries to interrupt me when I’m on auto-pilot. I will turn on them in a heartbeat. Would they shout at a surgeon while they’re preforming an operation?”

“No good comedian ever dies. There’s may be times where the audience aren’t reacting appropriately. But if you’ve done the set before and there were laughs then you are right and the audience is wrong. I’d get thick with them, try and shake them to life, then get back to reciting my set without change.”

“I no longer look up to famous comedians as heroes. I look across to them as peers. And if you’re ever on before a household name I’d not be shy in saying that I was their support act. It implies that they picked me personally even if they’ve never heard of me. They shouldn’t mind helping a fellow comic using their name to promote themselves.”

Advice to wannabe Comedians?
“You think it’s easy to get up here? You wanna come up here now and do a tight seven, do ya? Well come on then ya fat prick. Oh now you’re shy. Now ya wanna keep your fat mouth shout. Who’s that beside you? Your day release officer? Take him to the zoo next time, ok?”

“Every day I wake up and I have a gig that night I get to tell the world that I’m a comedian. If you gig, no matter if you phone it in, you can tell everyone before and after that you are a comedian. And I wouldn’t give that up for the world.”

Thanks to The Secret Comedian ■

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