What do YOU do to Feel Special?

With today’s homogenisation and the overarching feeling on earth that our lives are meaningless, it’s very hard for the individual to ever feel truly special. So we sent a reporter to hit the streets and ask “What do YOU do to feel special?”

In restaurants, I like to complain. Most people would accept a base standard for their Big Mac. But I will not. If it looks like a bap filled with green toilet paper then the lackadaisical workers will have to try again and again and again until it passes my test.
Fortuna Brave, Mortgage Specialist

I like to save numbers into my phone with names like “Big Tits”. Any rubber-neckers on the bus will think I’m getting a call from a right knock-out. Little do they know it’s just my bank calling after another missed payment.
Dennis Bhag, Aspiring Bigshot

I like to spill stuff in other people’s houses. I’d never think of doing it at home as my mother would kill me. But as a guest, I love the feeling of willfully knocking over a mug of tea. The guest will never have to clean it up so I’m on cloud nine as I watch the host, get on their knees and mop it up. I feel like a King or Queen.
Jo, gender withheld

I like to find small flaws with women that walk by me and mentally dismiss them from my imaginary bed. Only the best will ever make it and get to bounce with this titan.
Pat Fahey, Bouncing Castle Driver

I like to put myself in debt buying the latest must-have item the internet or co-workers tell me to get. I was very poor growing up and I swore that once I was old enough to have an overdraft I was going to deny myself nothing.
Martina Matonga, Manager of Duty-Free Boutique

When we’re told to turn our phones on silent to not disturb a meeting or performance, I’m the first to take my phone out, only I higher up the ringer to the max. And then it’s all eyes on me when it goes off. I feel just like a rapper at an awards show.
Sam Weisz, Lead Strategist

I like to bring the paper into the bathroom with me. I love when people look at me with sympathy thinking I’m afflicted with constipation. They’ve not a clue I’m knocking out a nut at the young wan on Page 3. Teehee.
Fred Estate, Telephone Pole supervisor

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